Table of contents
- South African Class 6E1, Series 1
- Supreme Court of Virginia Opinions
- Tornado Warning including Troy MO, Warrenton MO, Wright City MO until 2:00 AM CDT
Keep those e-mails and comments coming! I hope this article addresses some of the concerns that many of us have including Tom.
South African Class 6E1, Series 1
Dear Tom, Thanks for your e-mail. This is not a gender thing; men and women agree — none of us like being told what to do, or how we should feel, think, or behave. Anytime we criticize one another, we are telling our spouse he or she did not do it right. No one I know got married so he or she could be under the constant evaluation of his or her spouse. No one. Who wants to live that life? So why do we do it? Because we love our spouses. We do it for their benefit. I doubt any of us offer our comments and suggestions except from a place of good intentions — at least from our own perspective.
We want to save our spouses from repeating our own bad experiences. I know that no matter what, my spouse will have See Relationships continued on page 42 Warrenton Lifestyle.
Helps to reduce the visible appearance of fine lines, wrinkles, age spots and decreased skin elasticity. Tune-up includes: sharpening blades, new oil, oil filter, spark plugs, fuel filter, lubricating all fittings, cleaning air filter, and a complete inspection of your mower. It can become one of the biggest obstacles in our relationships and is often a factor in marriages that end up in my office for mediation of a divorce.
And it seems to get worse with age. We both begin to supervise, second guess, and direct our spouses more and more and in finer.
Supreme Court of Virginia Opinions
There must be another way. And I believe there is. We can stop telling each other what to do. Next topic. Or at least, my wife can stop telling me what to do.
Come to think of it, we probably all have a spouse whom we believe needs our help from time to time. If we become aware that even our best intentioned, loving efforts to save our spouses from themselves by telling them what to do is creating a severe wedge in our relationships, then maybe it would allow for a change.
Telling each other what to do is a root cause of much that. Whenever I give a marriage communication workshop or work with a couple individually on marital communication, I ask two questions: 2. It rarely takes anyone much time to think about it. The clarity and certainty. Do you like being told what to do? As for the second question, ultimately all responses are in the affirmative, but often with a bit of hesitation and reluctance. It may take a bit of contemplation and reflection. It generally helps when I describe what it means to tell someone what to do.
Those who apply a literal test to the question, may feel somewhat pleased with themselves at first, but when I suggest that the words See Relationships continued on page 44 Warrenton Lifestyle. Middle School Director Matt Ormiston does.
Tornado Warning including Troy MO, Warrenton MO, Wright City MO until 2:00 AM CDT
Understanding children in this age group, Supporting them where they are, Studying child development, And upgrading space to accommodate their needs. Stay informed of special offers, events and closeouts. Visit our website at www. Sign up for an annual membership paid on a monthly credit! With this coupon. Not valid Limit one discount per customer. Offer expires February. Register now for Spring Aquatics classes. All ages and ability levels! Me too, sad to say, every time. And we do this to each other much more often than we realize.
I believe we each want to be loved and accepted, unconditionally, by our spouse. Not loved and accepted if we become that person we are capable of becoming if only we do this, that, and the other , but loved as we are. And I ask that question a lot. We marry with the underlying premise of being accepted as we are, unconditionally, forever. Bit by bit, it poisons our relationship. So what possesses us? What motivates us to take on the role of telling each other what to do?
Why is this such a problem between spouses? We think your life that would be beneficial for you we are expressing our love for our to know? Sounds reasonable, but such is not the case. You may be surprised at how often you tell her what to do. Share with your wife your new awareness of this interaction between the two of you.
Offer her this article to read if she chooses.
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Throughout our marriage I have been telling you what to do and how to feel. I realize that doing that to you is unloving and causes us to disconnect. I love you and respect who you are.
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I am going to act out my love and respect for you by accepting you as you are and stop telling you what to do. If she chooses to do the same, great, if not, the next time she tells you what to do, tell her, quietly, calmly, and patiently, how it makes you feel. Let that be her choice.
But certainly share with her the impact that her actions have on you. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do this and that the change this will make in your relationship will be powerful and wonderful. I wish you all the best, Philip. Once a practicing attorney, Philip founded Mulford Mediation in and has mediated professionally for over 20 years. With offices in Fairfax and Warrenton, VA, Philip specializes in marriage, divorce, and family business mediation and communication.
Philip may be reached at pmulford mulfordmediation. In addition, Philip and his wife, Lisa, are the creators and co-hosts of a weekly radio talk show called Communication where the topic is relationship communication. All shows are archived and can be listened to on demand or downloaded. For more information about Communication, please visit www. Let us provide the loving care you need in the privacy of your own home!
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